An Emotional Facebook Wreck

I am over here in tears the power of the computer is amazing I have found some people I have missed for over 10 years

Atleast You're Not Procreating

Via Twitter: Ugh. I know I'm nxt! RT @IGNANTFOOL (name recreated for blog): Ugh all u bitches on twitter talking about ya'lls period done made mines come. Fuck ya'll I'm logging off

Em, how you say, ah yes, "kill yourself"

my dog has been menstruating for pass 2.5 weeks.. damn she runnin though panties like water.. time to get this ass fix!

Wow -- and you're white

You know your from Memphis when..You use words and phrases like "damn right", stout", "junt", "she goin", "kinfolk", "killa fye head", "gettin cap", "checkin'","Yeah..., Yeah!!", "gettin skully", "chiefin", "fie", and end sentences wit "foo", "BRUH" & "manne" and end roasts wit "lookin ass"

How dare a baby wake up early!

tooooo sleepy for some reason Ja'Michael want to wake his little as up at 6 this morning but i'm str8 now just got threw eating breakfast...fina wake the hubby/babydaddy up and get this day started

Overtime of prayers? Check!

___________________ is confused as to why some many people have let themselves go..where they doing that at..it takes 45min in the gym to stay fit, a great nutrional homecooked meal to stay healthy, at least 9 hours of sleep to age gracefully and overtime of prayers to ...stay blessed...please get it together people..all that time your keeping up w these reality shows you need a reality check about your health..I'm just saying

What you really need is an unconcealed life

Hey Mafia Wars players....could you help me out....I need some concealable cameras...thanks

I can see why you logged on then

___________________ believes she and a few of her friends on here will eventually be fired because of our excessive use of facebook.....LOL!

Hope your 3rd grade school year is going great!

(via Twitter): Do people actually hump on Hump Day?....lol

MrHighlySelective

mayne i'll neva chase a female, jus not in me, pick any 10 pennies and u have ur dime, but ur pockets will remain on empty, females cease to amaze me with they so-kalled pimping, HA, u thought I was gonna do what? mayne chicks out her tripping! ~mridontkarehowfinesheis!

I'm not a doctor, I just play one on Facebook

__________________ really want some women to get some self esteem..I can lend you some of mine b/c I'm at 150%..its not one day that goes by and I don't think I'm the greatest woman God wants me to be..being insecure is a disease and last time I checked there's no cure for that...

Preach on!

________________ is confused as to why some many people have let themselves go..where they doing that at..it takes 45min in the gym to stay fit, a great nutrional homecooked meal to stay healthy, at least 9 hours of sleep to age gracefully and overtime of prayers to ...stay blessed...please get it together people..all that time your keeping up w these reality shows you need a reality check about your health..I'm just saying

Don't get it twisted, Jesus!

Yayyy!... finaly back in bible study!... i missed sunday services, so it feels good to be back in the word!... but dont get it twisted clowns!... IM STILL ON IT!! (wink)

If you having stomache problems, I feel bad for you, son!

_________________ Is Hungry!.... my stomache is touching my back!...

So Glad You Tweeted Today

Just permed my hair, got da conditioner in now...gonna fix me somethin quick 2 eat in da meantime b4 I rinse & set lol

All I Can Think Is T...MUTHAF*KIN..M.I.

Having sinus issues and feeling sick and all I can think of is 'I have to deliver a baby'....75% effaced, 2 cm dilated and the induction is scheduled for Wednesday morning at 5:30am

And You're Somebody's Mom

Been wasted since Friday...i'm feelin a lil woosy. On my way 2 mama's 4 lasagna b4 I go back 2 da burg.

Ouch

Good morning fb. Just pulled a muscle in my shoulder but not letting it stop me today. Getting kids ready for school

Laern to spell firts pleaes

A do anybody knwo hwo to drpo out but stay in skolo. Jus a Tohugt. Money gto me thnkin......

Thanks for sharing -- and misspelling!

(via Twitter): over here eattin animal crackers like im 4 lol

The answers you seek are on Facebook

In class trying to thing wat the hell is on my quiz my mind is in a blank

MrMarthaStewart

...in da kitchen ova da stove, not cookin krack or anything like dat, but i'm 4real trying to cook a meal, chicken...should I bake or grill, imma bake it real light...honestly, i need sum help....SIKE! mrgetyownstoveigotdis!

MrPresident

...I update my statuses for fanz and fun, jus kall me a facebook bum, on it from moon 2 son, if u think I don't, "YOU LIE", like Joe Wilson!!!! ~mrgetmypolitcson!

MrBedtimeStory

ZZZzzz...mrsleeperz

MrIntergalactic

...I don't mind give props, kudos, if he's on mars, guess I'm chillin on pluto...~mrnotkaptainplanet! Lol

MrPrioritiesStraight

...mayne, I luv this city of memphis, 4get da krime, da killings, BUT THE WOMEN? I JUS SAW 3 MILFS IN THE GYM LIKE OMGIZZLE!!! ~MRKOUGARHUNTA! Lol

MrLookinForLove

...if I kould draw my life, it'll b a "single" sketch, bkuz I'm "single", yes, neva won a "single" kontest, but I luv chicken, so give me a leg and 1 "single" breast, from my leg 2 my head, not 1" stress!! ~mrsearchin4peacehaveuseenhim?

How "GREAT" was it?!

Enjoy the Movies, and lunch with my ex girlfriend!.... Tyler Perry New Movie was ''GREAT'' she cried!! aawwhhhh!!!!

Compliment fishing much?

I FEEL LIKE MY PROFILE PIC!... UGLY RIGHT NOW!.. :(

Couldn't agree more

At home chillin and aint thinking bout nobody!... ''LIKE I DONT HAVE A CARE IN THE WORLD'' ANYWAY, WHO CARES ABOUT WHAT I THINK!... goodnite FB!...

I feel so special!

Rise n Shine, LADIES' OH!.... DO I HAVE A TREAT FOR U!... someone sent me a message this morning saying ''WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR ME TO GET U TO DELETE UR PAGE?'' i said hmmmmm?... and thought about it!.... and i thought!....... and thought!.. and i said ''SHIT!....NOTHING CUZ THESE ARE MY FRIENDS FROM CHILDHOOD AND SO ON''...... SO JUST KNOW THAT ALL OF U ALL R SPECIAL TO ME DAMN IT!! have a beautiful day!..... :)

What a cute couple!

________________ Is Having sex with my Xbox 360, i touch her all the time, she plays with me, i play with her back, she keeps me stimulated, we go at it all night, sometimes i wake up to do her, she never lets me rest, she even lets my friend touch her!.... she alwa...ys lets us win, she never gets tired of me? she keeps going, and going, and going!.... wow!... JUMP IN!....

I don't thikn I cna...

Can u say ''TALL, DARK AND HANSOM'' without mentioning ME?... LOL!.... LETS GET IT!!

I'm SO there!

Hey!... IM HAVING A PARTY, FREE DRINKS ON ME, ALL U CAN DRINK, FOOD FREE, AND ALL THAT, MUSIC BY DEVIN THA DUDE, SPECIAL GUESS, U DONT WANT TO MISS IT!! RON' WILL BE IN THE HOUSE!! THE PLACE?....... McDONALDS, DOWN THE STREET FROM BUD DAVIS CAD...ILLAC, AGAIN, FREE SANWICHES FOR EEEERBODY!... AGAIN, SPECIAL GUESS ''RONALD McDONALD!! WE,LL HAVE WEMAN IN BIKINI,S DOING THE BUTTER FLY!!

I still have the energy to update my status though

Man!... I HAVNT SLEPT SINCE THURSDAY NIGHT!.... JUST GETTING OFF WORK, my body cant take it anymore, physically drained!... CANT MAKE IT HOME!!.... TIRED AS HELL, IM PULLING OVER ON I55 to take a qick nap!... EXCUSE ME PEOPLE, BUT IM DRAINED, BARELY CAN KEEP MY OPEN!!... TTYL FB!! zzzzzzzzzzz

Where dem 649.$ at?!

Just woke up!... My damn was so drunk lastnite his ass ran the CHARGER on the curve, and got all flats!.... hes paying for it now!... 649.$ on tires!.... YA SEE WHY I DONT DRINK?.... anyway RISE N SHINE its FOOTBALL TIME!!...

DAMN IT! What a classic!

Watching the end of COLOR PURPLE!! MAN THAT SHYT IS JUST SO SAD AT THE END!....... DONT IT JUST DO SOMETHING TO UR HEART?... thats a real Classic for all BLACK FOLKS!.... DAMN IT!!

That Takes Balls

(via a business Twitter account, we'll call them MD...) @MD Big layoffs at MD so if u need Social Media Expert lmk -Stupid Fool. Add me! {removed link of his Linked In page!}

You May Wanna Get That Checked

From Twitter: @(nut) Your heart has a rhythm....what sound does yours beat? Mine beats jazz and funk and soul. Hip hop and blues. For the old and the new....

I know, right!

OMG... THESE HOES IS ALWAYS ASKING ABOUT {MY KIDS}.... LOL... JUST BCUZ YALL FUCK WITH THEY DADDY(YALL NOT THE ONLY BITCH).. YOU & HIM WILLLLLLL NEVER SEEEEE THEY ASSSSS 4REAL..... WTF IS REALLY GOING ON..... STOP ASKING ABOUT MINE.....

I didn't know you were dating Mr. Talley!

_______________ is in ALT until Tuesday.

Were That Many Exclamation Marks Really Needed?

___________is so excited. Making homemade pickles with my grandma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YUM!

Bob the Builder

i went to home depot and bought 5 50 lbs. bags of concrete to build the foundation upon which i stand

Should I call PETA?!

Listening to Coltrane and drinking coffee with a splash of koala. This is nice.

Teacher of the year

I hate my 2nd block class they are a bunch of lame children that want to be cool

Nice to see you, too

Hi friends! :(

pleasedontmakemereadyourbookimsureitsux

iwishbeingurselfwasstillinstylethenwewouldallbonthasamepage:( till then im my own book just living 1 volume at a time.

Mr. PollSTAR

"mayne", "gucci", "4sho", "uknowatumsayn", now err' 1 give me they best Memphis impression! Haters r allowed!

~mrgottabfriendly2haters! Lol

How clever!

i called God and the line was busy...if you or someone u know is talking to him right now...let him know i apreciate the blessings he sent me and i'll call him back later....

MrDeLorean

...u kan find me in Memphis like Ivo, and the jerry kurl nuvo!! ~mruse2haveakurlbackndaday!

SHAMELESS PROMOTION

I'LL EAT YO PUSSY BITCH IF YOU COME TO OUR PARTY !!

I said the same thing!

_____________ says your a mom and pop and she's a corporation..can you handle that...its good to live expensive but my knees get weak you kiss it, that's money honey..

The mature approach

to get a person attention delete their name so when they call or text you say "Who is this" this lets them know you don't need them or their friendship anymore...lifes to short to waste on someone that's not growing in life and do...n't allow them to keep you in standby mode..ctrl,alt,del...

Deeeeeeep

its not that fabric that makes the man, its his tailor..its not the shoes that make the woman its the sole..

Time to put away those shorrtts

looks like the first day of fall, I better wear the hoddie.

Whew, thank God I made the cut!

____________ just woke up feeling good about today!.... goodmorning friends, i deleted alot of people from here yesterday!... so if u can see this status, that means ''UR STILL ON THE TEAM OF FRIENDS'' have a beautiful day everybody!.... smile :)

"SORRY" "DAMN" "!"

Man!..... i just woke up! I WAS SLEEPING GOOD AS HELL TOO!..... ''DAMN'' om off today so ima lay my ass in bed all damn day!.... ''SORRY FOLKS AT WORK'' lol

Today I'll...

I guess im about to get up and do something around the house, since my friends dont want me to enjoy my day!! ''IM BOUT TO SHYT, SHAVE, AND BATH DAMN IT!!

MrWorkOutPlan

...yes, i'm gettin old, feeling sleeping and sow', worked out, walked out, and my bones felt like they froze, who knows, would u risk a lil pain, to gain a kouple more damez looking at ur frame? ~ mrnuffsaidgohitdagymgirlzlikeit! lol

Rite....

______________Srry my fb fam ive been busy, wit the new job & all but im off 2 day & monday..... Thank god... well im hme chillin lookin @ movies & eatin a sub kidz runnin wild 4 their last few dayz... Itz so funny how they layin out clothes & tryin them on lke i use 2 do. My boyz doin the same thing i use 2 do , let everybody wear all their new stuff out. Then cum wit their new stuff,but they feet stay RITE..

Hard At Work

About to get in a nap before folx start trickling into the office. Shame! Lol

Congratulations?

______________Just to give everyone a little update...I'm 4 mos. pregnant and just started selling cars at ***** ***** Lexus in **** *****. So if anyone is looking for a new Lexus or any used car...I'm your girl!! Call me ***-***-****.

Really though?

_________________ would love to wrap Trey Songz in a tortilla with a side of pico de gallo and get busy sauce. Only men who look and sing like that have the right to dogg women out...you other chumps need to take notez.....

This person is 37 -- seriously

_______________ is sad that her mom had to put one of our family's horses down today. RIP, Itsy. Your goat friends are waiting for you in barnyard heaven with a full bucket of grain.

MrThanksFortheTip

..if u aint been outside get there, if u don't kno where it is, its the opposite of inside!!! ~mrletsenjoythisweather!

MrPurePoetry

...some things r a state of mind, gettin old, being kold, being hot when ur really not, like socks and flip flops being tacky when actually they r all a state of mind! ~mrmindonmymoney

Independent Women: Part Sigh

the date was good but he have to earn the NoOkie lol! ... You can't just give it to erbody!

Preach, "brotha"!

I praise ''GOD'' for my weekness!... ''SO WHAT'' that i use to be a HORE-MUNGER!... im still GODS child!...

"DAMN" I hate it, too!

Headed to court!...... ''DAMN'' i hate it!.... oh well, care nun bout these folks!...

Advances in science...

_____________ took the ARE YOU PREGNANT?!? quiz and got the result: Negative...

Negative.: Sorry. It's very unlikely that you are with child. Keep trying. Maybe next time .

"If I were, my doctor would have some explaining to do"

Why would you tweet this?

Where the HECK is aunt flo?

What Yal No Bout Dat?

_____________Good mornin all my fb fam! I am n a great mood all thankz 2 god! My sister iz getting MARRIED SATURDAY!!! I will b the first 2 say b ready 4 sum pic, they will b on fb saturday nite! Oh yeah school iz n 13 dayz, what yal no bout dat! Dayz off aint never look so good, lol. Well im out on the town, yal njoy ur day B BLESSED!!!

Totally!

________________ would rather get stuck watching the behind the scenes footage of "You Got Served" than have to sit through another t.v. reality show about some idiot falling in love with some numbnuts all while getting their asses bleached in a day spa.

MrTelephoneMan

...shout out to 901, 865, 423 and 615...u kan find me n da 404..where u at 513? ~Mrareakode

~MrCanUBelieveImAnAdult

__________________ ...been meetin a lot of good people lately, Memphis shows a nicca plenty of luv, I phucks wit da M, no place like home! ~mrputon4mycity!

Music is...being a pretentious d-bag

Music is greater than the commerce machine known as the entertainment industry. Music is frequency energy, which is eternal. singles on the radio are payed for, processed, pieces of disposable product. Everyone in this reality must make money to live..., why dont they leave the purity of music alone and go sell cars, or shoes, or clothes. Thats all these so-called music superstars are doing today anyway.

Please don't still m'y joy!

______________ Is well rested, now its time to E'merge!.... again, RiseNShine FB friends!.... Goodmorning ''BEAUTIFUL'' people!... lets smile today and be positive, so that means, ''LET NO ONE STILL UR JOY'' (wink)

STOOPID AZZ

MADD RIGHT NOW MY MAN IS SEND MY FRIENDS ADVICE ON FB THROUGH ME STUPID ASS

And you're still telling all your business...

_______________ is getting her hair done today praise Jehovah. I look like Ida B. Wells in the history books, before Madame CJ Walker put her on!

Stop telling all your business, sweetheart

Why do women get offended when I ask what kind of hair is that in their head? Baby girl, I have been wearing weaves(by choice let me clarify) for 5 years I KNOW a weave when I see one. I will tell you the brand, color, cost if I'm asked (THAT SAGA PARISIAN GLAM IS THE BOMB), so please get over yourself sweetheart.

Pop quiz!

________________ just took the "good pussy" quiz and the result is bomb ass pussy.

you know how to use your talents. you can work that thing like a champ. men cant stop calling

Tedious, I call them

___________ does not understand why people don't want to work for money..ignorant people I call them. but they want to live a lavish life and be around people that work hard for their money..wannabees I call them..I'm going places in life and those ign...orant and wannabees need to find that crew of people and stick with them...those that work hard, play hard and pray hard..they never stop getting money and making money. god in me

Yeah, like using English correctly

PPL HAVE PROBLEM NOW OF DAYS

Welcome to 2001!

A friend heard the funniest pickup line yesterday - Had to share w everyone! The guy said, "You must be from Tennessee. Cause you're the only 10 I see." Awesome

I believe that Children are our future

Proud Of My Daughter ________ Is So SMART, Teacher Said She Could Move Up 2 The First Grade In The Middle Of The Year. And Got Star Student Award 2 Day....

Know a thing or two about being annoying...?

Heading to sleep in hopes that our new downstairs neighbor will refrain from playing his bizzare Willy Wonka, Umpa Lumpa, WAY to loud bass music that actually reverberates our chests while in bed in the morning for day three! Is he learning the Tuba? Bass? It's the same song on loop for an hour... dum, dum, dum, dud, dud dud dud, dum, dum, dum aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhg. LOL!

Gosh, me too!

___________ is ugh with a side of ugh wug. Back still killing me, resting and trying not to set it off and further. mooooooo.

What does "entertaining" mean now?

had Steve just finished watching Oceans 13. Nice! Really Entertaining!

How I Met Your Nerd

__________ can't decide whether she'd rather be an executive mischief consultant or slap bet commissioner. (HIMYM DVD overdose)

What up(80,000$)?!

Headed back to the Casino Resorts!.... gotta go get settle in my room 1st, Checkin @ 3:00!.... FB see ya'll Sunday!.... What up Cuz(Dexter Hinton) wish you was here to break these BASTARDS with me!... lol, Dont worry!.. I got you August 21st. 80,000$ here we come!......

Hey, Tank, boot up the Matrix please...

To fellow AE geeks... Is there an expression or an easy way to have a layer automatically scale up as you move it back in Z space so that when you look directly straight on with the 3D cam it doesn't look like it moved at all? - I usually do it manually, push it back in space then scale it until it looks right... but in this instance it has to be 100% exact...

Of course not, silly!

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? Lol

Well, I'll Be, (Fab)YI!

Peeptoes are fabulous shoes for the summertime because they allow your feet to breathe...

I like MyFace, too, young'ns!

Wow tweeter is up again!!!

Fly girl

hAS BOOKED HER last TRIP OF THE MONTH...... I NEED TO GET MY ON PERSONAL JET....

Cum on girl!

OFF 2 BED, 3:45AM CUMS FAST... GET MY HUSBAND UP & GET HIM SUM THING TO EAT & ON HIS WAY 2 WORK... GOOD NITE MY FRIENDS & FAMILY... ♥ ONE LUV ♥

Welcome to the real deal

Have you ever seen a Facebook, Twitter or MySpace (ha! - who's still using that) status update that simply boggled the mind, yet you had nowhere to turn to express how dreadful it was? Welcome to Tell Me It's Real, where we can have a collective laugh at some of the worst displays of humankind.

Here's your first gem:

Facebook/August 6, 2009/Noon: "~ Hello Sir, don't you remember me? Come on my face, Come on my face, COME ON MY FACE!"